Part II

– “which are in reality Gypsies and Turks and Tatars, but all other Slavs are Bulgarians”

“Tell me what you eat and I’ll tell you how to go to the hospital.” – Tourist point of view on Bulgarian cuisine

You know you are Bulgarian when:
1. You’re married with kids and your mother still insists on cooking for you.
2. You sport the latest Nike and Adidas outfits but have never exercised in your life.
3. Your 15-year-old sister can out-drink any American.
4. You have run away from Bulgaria, and still say it’s the best place on earth.
5. All you have to do is sniffle and your parents say “uh-huh” and start yelling at you for getting sick.
6. You always have the latest mobile phone on the market.
7. You can spend 3 hrs in a Cafe drinking the same cup of coffee.
8. Your grandma will not accept the fact that you’re not hungry.
9. You don’t want to have or do any business with Bulgarians.

Some Survival Rules if you visit Bulgaria:

1. Bulgarians throw their trash directly out of their balconies. Never walk too close to residential buildings, because there’s a chance you’ll be buried in junk and never found again.
2. Never try to outdrink a Bulgarian, especially when RAKIA (connecting people) is involved. You will suffer a slow, painful, alcohol fueled death.
3. In Bulgaria pedestrians have no rights. If a pedestrian sets foot on the street, drivers speed up.
4. If you get in troubles with the police, DO NOT PANIC! Actually policemen are quite easy to corrupt. In some cases, you might even offend them, if you don’t offer them a bribe.

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ROMANIANS – “The country where the national dish is stomach stew. The country with the most Gypsies”

Q: What’s big, black, noisy, makes a lot of smoke and cuts carrots in five?
A: The Romanian machine for cutting carrots in four.

You know you’re Romanian when:

1. You grew up on liver sandwiches…. and thought that was normal.
2. It’s “normal” if your wedding has 600 people. You don’t know half the people at your wedding because your parents invited them.
3. Everything you eat is savored in garlic and onions.
4. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house.
5. You can fit 10 people into a Dacia.
6. You have curtains hanging across every doorway.
7. Your mom recycles plastic cups and paper plates, and sandwich bags by washing them.
8. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
9. Your parents don’t realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

Three guys are put in prison: an American, a German and a Romanian. The chief guard gives each of them a pair of heavy bowling balls, just so they won’t get too bored. Three months later, the chief guard comes in inspection and asks the three prisoners how they are doing.

The American says: “Hey, giving me those bowling balls was a great idea! I had nothing else to do, so I worked out a lot with those balls, and look at me now: I can do a hundred push-ups in no time!”

The German says: “Sir, thank you for giving me those bowling balls! I had nothing else to do, so I began studying them. I discovered a lot of new theorems in non-euclidean geometry, they’re all in this notebook.”

The Romanian says: “Oh sir, I am really sorry… you know, those balls… it’s really not my fault, but one of them broke and the other one is nowhere to be found!”

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To be continued.

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