Part III

Central Europe  – “Central Europe? Now, that’s upper class history!”


“How many Polaks does it take to change a light bulb?
One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb and the other two to spin the chair.”

Why do Polish airplanes fly so low?
So the pilots can read the street signs.

You know you are from Poland when:

1. you know very well Pope John Paul II was Polish and his name was Karol, not Carol.
2. you go to Midnight Mass every Christmas Eve and keep your Christmas tree up till February.
3. you know it’s wodka. not vodka.
4. your grandma insists you wear papcie/kapcie because the floor is chilly and you’ll get a cold.
5. you sometimes slip up when speaking English and add an ‘y’ to already plural English words.
6. you always take off your shoes as soon as you step into someone else’s house, even when they say you don’t have to.
7. you know Chopin was born in Poland and not in France
8. you have never eaten meat on Good Friday

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Slovakia a.k.a. Slow-vakia

“Did you hear about the Slovak helicopter pilot that crashed? He got cold , so he turned off the fan.”

You’re from Slovakia if:

1. You correct people when they say Slovakia is located in Eastern Europe
2. You need to repeat your name at least twice when introducing yourself
3. You speak at least two languages that you never needed to learn (god bless the czech)
4. You have at least once in your life drank the “Chucho” wine
5. You do not have a middle name
6. You know that Janosik could kick Superman’s ass even if he was on a damn wheelchair
7. You very well know that anteater is the only way…

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Cheque/Check/ Czech Republic (The term “czech” is used as a pretentious way to spell words like “check” or “cheque” and has precisely the same meaning.)

Czech Republic borders with Germany, Austria and other less important states. Beer and hockey are their contributions to Western civilization. For further information on Czech’s relations and affection to beer, czech that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSqO16fA9yY

Czechs speak English only when they think they can profit on that.
Usually the name of the Czech republic is misspelled due to the tendency to put money/profit  above everything else.
Czech Republic is quite safe country. However, tourist should be aware, that it has been often invaded. In that case Czechs traditionally give up without fight.

It’s easy to tell if a person is Czech: if their last name ends in -na and last name of czech women ends in -ová; if they are not Polish, Russian or Communist and like beer, they are Czech.

Vowels are used very seldom in Czeckers; some examples of typical Czech vowel-less sentences are “smrž pln skvrn zvlhl z mlh”, “plch zdrhl skrz drn, prv zhltl hrst zrn” or “chrt pln skvrn vtrh skrz trs chrp v čtvrť Krč”.

“How do the Czechs know that the Earth is round?
In 1945, the imperialists were driven out to the west and in 1968, they returned from the east.”

“Why does a Skoda have a double rear window heater ?
To keep everyones hands warm when they are pushing it!”

“What do you call a Skoda at the the top of a hill ?
A miracle!”

A Czech is working in his garden and God comes down. “Hi,” says God, “I’m God. I’m just coming down to see how you’re doing. Just making sure you’re all right.”
The Czech squints at God and says: “How do I know you’re God? If you’re God, grant me a wish.”
No problem,” says God, “but remember, because I am God and the source of all generosity, anything I give to you, I will give twice as much to your neighbor.”
The Czech thinks for several minutes and says: “Make me blind in one eye.”

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next to come: Estonia and Portugal…

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